“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world.
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”
My baby boy just turn One year old few weeks ago.
365 days where Mother Earth rotated around the Sun .
As I reflect back on the year that went by (so quickly), I also feel the importance to welcome and release the fear his first moments being my last ones. His first time drinking out of the bottle being my last time nursing him. His first time (finally) sleeping through the night being my last time walking him endlessly on the balcony at night watching the moon reflecting on the lake.
Once I realized those moments were gone,- blame it on the changes in hormones level – I felt so sad, helpless. Mind you, I am not sad to finally sleep at night, but I feel melancholic about those moments that I may not have treasured “properly”. Those life changes need their very own rituals. They need to be seen as the stepping stones of our current evolution, seed of our growth. So I did a ritual to welcome the change and let go of the past.
Like many of you, I went through many massive life changes.
Nothing really life threatening.
Quite possibly life strengthening.
The followings life events were kept private (within the group of closest friends). But I need to release them to be recomposed in the Universe into something better. At age 44, I still carry the burden of some of them and this affects my parenting, my being in this world. Those life changes created a shell, an invisible wall to protect me to not feel pain anymore. But I now understand better that this is not the way it works.
So here we go: To my fearful inner child, I let go of this event: age 8 a battle field called divorce (not mine. My parents: me as a young child stuck between ugly battles). Followed by what I now call The lost of innocence : a tragic “simple” ski accident that changed for the worse my mum’s life when she was 33 / erased my “traditional” faith in church / turned my life inside out forever (she ended up in hospital for almost a decade with heavy symptoms and handicaps). To my brave self young adult: at age 30 my chosen expatriation (despite what was calling me to stay) from France to California (my very own first grown up choice. I will do it all over again) But still quite a challenge and massive life change. Age 31: A double-bind decision (the worse of many)- the one that what ever choice you make, you lose. My mother asked me to give her “permission” to “let go” of her own life. I can still hear myself saying that I understood and respected her choice (crying writing this). An almost simultaneous arrival and departure of a “soul” (lost my mother few weeks before getting pregnant with my first born).
In those difficult transition times you can hardly see what you truly want as you are mostly driven by fear and anxiety. You need to be re-acquainted to your authentic self. But when you don’t know how- well, you can drift for a long time.
As I said, when my mother past away, I had just moved from France to California to be with my fiance (who became my husband for now 13 years). Our first baby girl was born 10 months after my mum’s funeral. There was so many shots at that time that I could not connect : being a first time mum as I just lost mine was a vulnerable point for me for many years. As an expat and a first time mom, I was trying to connect with like-minded women. Luckily, leaving in the USA I discovered the power of women circles, friends and support groups lead me powerful books discoveries. It was a time where I started a journey to re-discover my muted artist’s voice creating intuitive and mixed media paintings, making “raku” and ceramic wares to celebrate and treasure the union of the handmade with the daily sacred. I was fighting the best I could the layers of grief, emptiness, powerless feelings. Thankfully lovingly “covered” by warm layers of love from my father, my husband and my baby girl.
At that time, I often danced between inspired, intuitive bursts of positive and über creative energy when things flowed easily the way I wanted. Or, the complete opposite when grieving felt unbearable and whenever life seemed to “get in my way”, taking all my vital energy and sending me spiraling down an endless road of semi-depression and loads of confusion. Over the years, I also came to understand that grieving is the ground for growth.
I now know that those stages in my woman’s life were ideal period of times to transform my life. In deep.
Transition times are initiation time awaited to be claimed. Time to be bold and face your fears, your dreams, your desires.
We are all at some point in our lives <<Goddesses of the Unfurling Unknown Path>> ahead.
Both welcoming the changes, still mourning the past and dreading the future.
Here’s when synchronicity happened and where Danielle LaPorte’s The Desire Map came in (along with other life changing books and many aha’s moments).
It was one of the catalysts for the change that I needed.
I realized that I was not a problem to be fixed.
I understood that I did not have lost access to yourself.
I witnessed that I had what I needed inside of me.
WE ARE WORTHY OF YOUR DESIRES AND IF WE COMMIT TO WANTING WHAT WE WANT AND HONORING OUR DESIRES AND PUT THEM AT THE CENTER OF OUR DAILY PLANS, WE WILL RISE UP AND WALK OUR TALK ON OUR MOST PREFERRED TRAIL.
So I wonder : what need to be healed, heard, for you? Have you been practicing rituals to celebrate your your current or past Rites of Passage?
If you are so inclined, please share your story or anything you wish on my Facebook.
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Thank you for your openness and your courage to voice your truth.
I’m currently going through another layer of deep transformation as I transitioning from one status to another. I can’t say much more here and now. But it’s deep and raw. What I wrote one year ago still resonate and vibrate with every cell of my body. I can’t say enough how important it is to honor your life rites of passage.
⩔SOUL WORK FOR THE WEEK⩔
- Spiritually : connect with your soul friends / your feel good communities / cook / danse / paint / attend classes, workshops, lectures that will lift your spirit.
- Schedule time for you. Just for you. I started taking a beautiful 10 days Kundalini meditation introduction with #AnnapurnaLiving and I love it so much ! The chanting for me is my favorite part.
- Try something new. Expand your comfort zone little by little. Raw Food . Meditation. Digital Eco Art Therapy. Be open to signs.
- If you live on The French Riviera , France: Stay tuned as I am getting ready to release my first Retreats and Workshops serie as a Licensed Desire Map facilitator in this area!
Click on Templeformappingyourdesires as it is the sacred place to go to register.